God works in mysterious ways. I have always been religious. I was baptized, grew up going to church, and prayed before I ate. Then one Sunday, we didn’t go to church, and that became our new routine. My sister was Confirmed and I didn’t start Confirmation class for another six years. We got busy and though I kept God in my heart, I no longer was attending service on Sundays. A very quick six years pass and now it is my turn to reunite with God and learn His word. I wasn’t ready. My heart wasn’t in it and while I knew this was something I had to do, I didn’t want to be there. However, I followed along, did my service, took my notes during each sermon, and by the end of eighth grade, I was confirmed. But I was still lost. I was talked at for two years and my soul was not ready to hear what was being preached at me. I did it because I had to, not because I wanted to. After confirmation, I stopped going to church. It was not the right fit for me during that time. While I was no longer in God’s House worshiping, He stayed in my heart, patiently waiting for me to be ready to truly hear His word.
Fast-forward to 2017. I was in a bad place with my anxiety and depression. My physical health was extremely unstable and my life was falling apart all around me. I left public school after the emotional abuse I suffered there brought me to the point of suicidal thoughts. I applied for my service dog to help me navigate life and I never wanted to leave my bed. That was my life. I never once thought God was abandoning me, I have always believed He has a plan and He will carry me through my toughest times when I cannot carry myself. And He never failed me. Mandy Harvey, a contestant on America’s Got Talent, Simon’s golden buzzer, and completely deaf. I was so drawn to her story, it felt so similar to mine. She was the beginning of my new life. I followed her journey and came upon a youtube video I will link at the bottom of this post. She was talking with a pastor about her story and how God kept her going when she lost one of her most important senses. She rekindled her love for music and defied all odds when she picked up her ukelele and began to sing her song perfectly in key. After their discussion, she sang a song, the moment that changed my life personally. I clicked on a video I normally wouldn’t be interested in, watched it beginning to end, and listened to her beautiful voice sing “It Is Well”. The message of that song resonated with me and I knew I needed it to go back to over and over again on Spotify. So I started my search and one of the first versions to come up was by a band named Anthem Lights. God was really up to something. They had just released an album called Hymns and a switch in me flipped. I learned every song on that album within a week and soon forced my whole family to listen to it with me on every car ride. My favorite always being “It Is Well”. What are the odds that they released this song days before I went searching for it! It was a sign from God I was moving in the right direction. Anthem Lights was my new jam and to this day, they are my go-to. They have since released multiple other worship albums from Christmas to acapella.
Changing gears a bit here, at the time I also came across a Youtuber Named Joy Ross. She is blind and has a guide dog. Another sign. She does everything from singing to vlogging as she runs daily errands to telling her own story and how God has impacted her life. She made a video about how she met her husband. It is the love story of my dreams. Her disability has never stopped her and she is a ray of sunshine. The most important thing I have taken away from her is her saying “I walk by faith, not by sight”. Now, 18-year-old me is hit in the chest by a wave of understanding and pure love for God. I told my mom, “I’m gonna get a tattoo, and I need you to help me get it perfect”. I had her write the word “faith” in her handwriting so I could take that and have it copied exactly onto the back of my neck. My mother is the most important and special person in my life. She has been with me through it all and I owe her everything. I have this tattoo with so much meaning, it is my mom’s handwriting so she is with me forever, it is my favorite word that has gotten me through many of life’s challenges, and I wanted it somewhere I can’t immediately look down and see it. I wanted to follow the words of Joy. I don’t need to see my tattoo to know it is there. I have faith, and every time it reminds me of where I came from and where I am going.
So I stopped going to church. That doesn’t mean I stopped going to God. All these amazing people and songs and messages, my relationship with Him has never been stronger. My faith is what gets me out of bed in the morning and the reason I sleep soundly at night. Over the course of four years, God has brought me so much peace and purpose and understanding I never thought I would find. Slowly, bit by bit, He put everything in place and I can honestly say today, it is well with my soul.
Mandy Harvey:
Anthem Lights:
Joy Ross:
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